(Oh, and as always, any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.)
“You shouldn’t do that to my blue shoe too,” I said to my former friend, the Jew,
whom I foreknew would overvalue his method to devalue my shoe. “If you continue
to bedew and put pooh in my blue shoe, you will preview a woodscrew through
your brain tissue.”
“I will sue you,” said the Jew, who overblew the issue, “and I formally beshrew you.”
“I will subdue you and hew your bones in two, you of low IQ,” I retorted to the Jew, “not to mention countersue.”
The Jew, denouncing my detinue, blaming me for a stock overissue, left to accrue two ounces of goo, which he overstrew upon my head, and that is true. I proceeded to pursue the Jew and his crew. I attempted to outdo him with my bamboo stick and deliver the ol’ smackeroo, which I vowed not to underdo. Yet perhaps I overdrew, because a cuckoo flew into my eyes, leading to the rescue and withdrawal of the Jew by his crew. In reply, I sent a curlew to reissue the fowl ninjutsu toward the Jew but, alas, he overflew the crew and I was forced to retrieve the curlew with my lasso. But, hereunto, I made a breakthrough and found a clue on a cockatoo in an anachronistic fondue venue drive-thru! The clue led me to the Jew and his crew, who were made anew by becoming Hindu. My feathered army, a veritable aircrew – including a hoopoo, jabiru, marabou, smew, tinamou, and the aforementioned curlew – I must now revalue, as I have actual work to do. “Coo,” replied the curlew that earlier outflew the Jew.
“Hebrew is now taboo,” said the Jew. “I will eschew the Torah and renew my spirituality as a sadhu in Peru, revering the cow’s ‘moo,’ and worshipping Vishnu, while I study quipu and pudu. Neither, then, will I eat emu, wallaroo, or zebu, now that I am Hindu, but I will only chew chou and honeydew or, if I must, then suck down some burgoo and calalu. Even fish, including the aku, candiru, and fugu, are now tapu.”
On the way to Peru, I recounted some Greek (…, mu, nu, …), skinned a coypu and kinkajou (tanning them with catechu), and dabbled a little clerihew:
“I will sue you,” said the Jew, who overblew the issue, “and I formally beshrew you.”
“I will subdue you and hew your bones in two, you of low IQ,” I retorted to the Jew, “not to mention countersue.”
The Jew, denouncing my detinue, blaming me for a stock overissue, left to accrue two ounces of goo, which he overstrew upon my head, and that is true. I proceeded to pursue the Jew and his crew. I attempted to outdo him with my bamboo stick and deliver the ol’ smackeroo, which I vowed not to underdo. Yet perhaps I overdrew, because a cuckoo flew into my eyes, leading to the rescue and withdrawal of the Jew by his crew. In reply, I sent a curlew to reissue the fowl ninjutsu toward the Jew but, alas, he overflew the crew and I was forced to retrieve the curlew with my lasso. But, hereunto, I made a breakthrough and found a clue on a cockatoo in an anachronistic fondue venue drive-thru! The clue led me to the Jew and his crew, who were made anew by becoming Hindu. My feathered army, a veritable aircrew – including a hoopoo, jabiru, marabou, smew, tinamou, and the aforementioned curlew – I must now revalue, as I have actual work to do. “Coo,” replied the curlew that earlier outflew the Jew.
“Hebrew is now taboo,” said the Jew. “I will eschew the Torah and renew my spirituality as a sadhu in Peru, revering the cow’s ‘moo,’ and worshipping Vishnu, while I study quipu and pudu. Neither, then, will I eat emu, wallaroo, or zebu, now that I am Hindu, but I will only chew chou and honeydew or, if I must, then suck down some burgoo and calalu. Even fish, including the aku, candiru, and fugu, are now tapu.”
On the way to Peru, I recounted some Greek (…, mu, nu, …), skinned a coypu and kinkajou (tanning them with catechu), and dabbled a little clerihew:
Mr.
Jew, I wiredrew this little rhyme
Reminding
me about the time
I
want to spend strangling you
With
an old woman’s fichu
Upon our arrival, we found the Hindu balancing on
a zafu, practicing a fondu. “Look, a
horseshoe,” said my sidekick Drew, who proceeded to unglue the horseshoe from a
jackscrew he got at a vendue. “A horseshoe you are due,” I told the Hindu and
his crew. Hereinto, I used superglue to
apply the horseshoe to the Hindu. Thereunto, I withdrew the horseshoe and glue from
his hairdo, which hurt.
Before I was able to reglue the horseshoe, Andrew Q. (my sidekick Drew) pointed to his new kangaroo (or potoroo) tattoo, asking for my review. The roo, wearing a sandshoe, had been spliced open by an airscrew. “Shoo, skidoo, put on a muumuu. I don’t care what you do, but just go away, you yahoo. Why do you show me your voodoo tattoo?” I asked.
“To prove that a Hindu is untrue,” he replied cryptically.
Before I was able to reglue the horseshoe, Andrew Q. (my sidekick Drew) pointed to his new kangaroo (or potoroo) tattoo, asking for my review. The roo, wearing a sandshoe, had been spliced open by an airscrew. “Shoo, skidoo, put on a muumuu. I don’t care what you do, but just go away, you yahoo. Why do you show me your voodoo tattoo?” I asked.
“To prove that a Hindu is untrue,” he replied cryptically.
“You, too, have a low IQ, and are tantamount to poopoo. You can’t even calculate an eigenvalue. What good are you?” I insulted him.
“Shampoo and pop a cachou, will you?” he attempted
to insult. Proceeding to argue, we moved to the bayou, and I delivered my fist
to his wazoo. Whereinto we began to
fight in a canoe, in lieu of the fact that one snafu by Drew, the canoe guru,
might send me, the gumshoe, into a corkscrew, curlicue, or down a sault. So, I killed
him, and then threw him onto the river’s bottom. My sidekick Drew did always undervalue the
results of my thew (something he must discontinue now that his life is
through).
As I endue my overshoe and surtout, I grew angry with the Hindu and his crew. I knew I needed to debut my kung-fu and Jujitsu, for too few had been done to the Hindu and his crew, and an impromptu rendezvous with my nunchacku was long overdue. I looked for the Hindu, but alas, no clue - for he had become Sioux, and lived in a lean-to made from a plew, tied together with sinew, the top forming a flue.
As I endue my overshoe and surtout, I grew angry with the Hindu and his crew. I knew I needed to debut my kung-fu and Jujitsu, for too few had been done to the Hindu and his crew, and an impromptu rendezvous with my nunchacku was long overdue. I looked for the Hindu, but alas, no clue - for he had become Sioux, and lived in a lean-to made from a plew, tied together with sinew, the top forming a flue.
“Ooh! That shrew!” I exclaimed. He could make-do,
that Sioux coocoo, in any human milieu. He was a zoo of see-through characters
who could end up anywhere… in a pew, an igloo, wearing a froufrou tutu and playing
the banhu as if portraying the ingénue in a music revue, or perhaps even as my long-lost
nephew. His legendary eccentricity began
while living on a karoo in Timbuktu, where he studied shiatsu, and had a garden
– of buchu, feverfew, and mangetout – that overgrew its purlieu until he redrew
its bounds to breach my zoo, displacing my chiru, fitchew, kudu, and sapajou. I
wish he would end up in an imu with a Ryukyu habu, and on the menu as a stew or
barbecue for a cannibalistic “interview,” topped with bleu cheese and stewed
with roux in ragout.
Aha! I knew what I had to do: Woo him to me by becoming a fake Sioux statue, then put a setscrew through his brain tissue - and do all this without one redo, miscue or breaking curfew. To prepare, I read a how-to, wrote a series of haiku, and began to fast - eating only tofu purloo. To look like a lulu of a statue, I imbrue myself blue, then festooned kudzu over my beautiful blue body, and stood on an ahu, sporting a moue highlighted red with roucou. My scent was masked with tolu. To my thrill, the former Hindu and Jew, the current Sioux and his tribe in queue, came to bow down unto me, the odd virtu, laying down an equally peculiar offering of pistou garnished with meu. I nearly yelled “WAHOO!” which would undo the whole plan. I noticed the Sioux regrew his fu Manchu, was attempting to chew a cashew, and had learned to play the kazoo. I construe this as a clue that he was not a real Sioux, but only the former Jew.
Aha! I knew what I had to do: Woo him to me by becoming a fake Sioux statue, then put a setscrew through his brain tissue - and do all this without one redo, miscue or breaking curfew. To prepare, I read a how-to, wrote a series of haiku, and began to fast - eating only tofu purloo. To look like a lulu of a statue, I imbrue myself blue, then festooned kudzu over my beautiful blue body, and stood on an ahu, sporting a moue highlighted red with roucou. My scent was masked with tolu. To my thrill, the former Hindu and Jew, the current Sioux and his tribe in queue, came to bow down unto me, the odd virtu, laying down an equally peculiar offering of pistou garnished with meu. I nearly yelled “WAHOO!” which would undo the whole plan. I noticed the Sioux regrew his fu Manchu, was attempting to chew a cashew, and had learned to play the kazoo. I construe this as a clue that he was not a real Sioux, but only the former Jew.
As if on cue, I ensue the Sioux until we came to a
ewe. I did not know that I misconstrue the fu Manchu, the acajou, and the kazoo
as clues that this was the former Jew, so I shoved the thumbscrew into his
tissue, whispering, “peek-a-boo,” and he died before I could unscrew the ormolu
screw. But this was no former Jew; this was Hugh, the Sioux chief, undue to be
killed. The former Hindu overthrew Hugh and had performed the ol’ switcheroo.
“Ah-choo!” I was allergic to cashew.
Kneeling on my genu, I whispered to Hugh, “Adios, you Sioux of virtue,” for I knew that this could only mean a battle would brew between I and the Sioux. The former Hindu and Jew (the current Sioux parvenu), in an attempt to accrue revenue (in Romanian leu), was extending his purview among the natives, and plotting a coup, even though his skin was an unorthodox hue for the Sioux. Despite having only acquired one sou and two razoo (due to cutbacks at the buroo), the former Jew, with power anew, would pursue me with the Sioux ballyhoo, but I planned to spew a slew of bullets on them, until all the Sioux lay with their bodies skew on the Sioux purlieu in the morning dew. I did not want to misdo the whole plan, so I would issue the Sioux a legendary defeat and make them cry “boohoo”, in order that they might rue the day they battled me, a man of much value.
Kneeling on my genu, I whispered to Hugh, “Adios, you Sioux of virtue,” for I knew that this could only mean a battle would brew between I and the Sioux. The former Hindu and Jew (the current Sioux parvenu), in an attempt to accrue revenue (in Romanian leu), was extending his purview among the natives, and plotting a coup, even though his skin was an unorthodox hue for the Sioux. Despite having only acquired one sou and two razoo (due to cutbacks at the buroo), the former Jew, with power anew, would pursue me with the Sioux ballyhoo, but I planned to spew a slew of bullets on them, until all the Sioux lay with their bodies skew on the Sioux purlieu in the morning dew. I did not want to misdo the whole plan, so I would issue the Sioux a legendary defeat and make them cry “boohoo”, in order that they might rue the day they battled me, a man of much value.
Renewed in my devotion to fordo the slew of Sioux and imbue justice, I yelled “Halloo!” then pursue them over a mountainous avenue, even losing a snowshoe, getting bogged down by a patch of sundew in a slue, and contracting the flu, sprue, or possibly ague. I saw the Sioux, to which I said “BOO!” Hereto, the Sioux retinue blew their battle trumpets, creating quite the hullabaloo, whereto I donned my Zulu juju, an African bijou, leading the charge with an ecru ecu. To view this sight must have confused a passing buckaroo and French poilu fresh from a cru, who mistook me for a bugaboo, for they joined me in my battue and defeated the fou Sioux (drunk on hoochinoo, soju, and vindaloo), all without one boo-boo. And they left without so much as a “yoo-hoo” or howdy-do.
“This has been much ado about a blue shoe,” I
observed, thinking to retrieve my blue shoe, I needed to find where the body of
the former Jew lay. Petitioning a local
jackaroo and jillaroo as to the whereabouts of the deceased Sioux, they gave me
an overview, drawing my attention to a particular clou. Thereto, I went, and the Sioux’s body I
found. Whew! I took my shoe from the
deceased Sioux, removed the clew of doodoo, placing it in the loo, and bestrew
his carcass about the mountainside fescue, it landing askew among the yew down
a hoodoo. Whoop-de-doo!
Turning in a U and crying “Gardyloo!” I strew the shoe onto Baboo Jew-Sioux, it landing next to a cat who cried “mew,” which caused a rooster to “cock-a-doodle-doo.” Hitherto, caribou, gnu, carcajou and perhaps tatu pooh residue layered the blue shoe I outgrew, wherethrough mildew left quite a stinkaroo. That Hindu, with his Judeo world-view, really did overdo the beaucoup animal poo in my shoe, so I finally got to roughhew his bones in two, celebrating with tiramisu at a shivoo, accompanied by the music of a didgeridoo and an erhu. This took place in a field of nardoo underneath a canopy of rimu and wandoo. Phew, his ground bones smelled worse than a teledu!
Thitherto, having no sidekick Drew, I alone ate kauru
from an umu and tried to connect with my inner manitou to decide what to do. To
find a new sidekick I now scouted Japanese juku, much to the dismay of the
keiretsu and zaibatsu, who tried to kill me when I took my new sidekick Hikaru
to a display of bunraku. Thwarting the
attack by slinging shoyu into the assassin’s bazoo and then slicing him with a
shard of raku, Hikaru and I escaped by leaping faster than a napu into a prahu made
of sabicu and sissoo, and headed off to China to try our luck in the
pakapu. Thereinto, we each bought a
samfoo to disguise ourselves, and learned that back in Japan many of the
keiretsu and zaibatsu committed seppuku when they learned that our lives were
to continue. To make do, we painted our
faces like a wanderoo and convinced the Chinese that we were Dobu susu from a
formidable clan and received payments of congou and rice for the use of our
feu, which we cooked over a fire kindled with amadou.
I quit reading after the first sentence... sorry!
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